Saturday 23 October 2010

Stairway to Heaven

october 028

Last night as is my habit, headed into the city to drink my fill on the lower east side.

And drink i did with usual enthusiasm and abandon.

The bar where i start is quiet and i know a few locals. Cam the machinist, George the wise guy and Clive, a veteran who recently threw out his back.

A cute bar maid by the name Brook serves the beer and when i drink draft i have a pounding headache in the morning. Last night i drank draft.

The last four Fridays i have blacked out the second half of the evening. Last night the police found me at a train station close to a junior college i  use to attend, twenty or so years ago.

Map picture

They said they wanted to help me detoxify but i preferred to go home. They were quite firm but not aggressive or abusive and i too was polite. They gave me a $173 ticket for not having a ticket and called a cab.

A night on the cheap turned out to be expensive.

The good news is i didn’t wet my bed, breaking my streak at three.

This morning i went for a walk, bought a coffee and a muffin at Tim Horton's, made soup for my beautiful girlfriend and pondered my black out experiences.

A psychotic split is how i have heard it described,

and it seem to be affiliated with trauma

and where do i go when i’m not here,

if i can’t recall where i was…was i really there…

                                                                                bring a camera

deeper and deeper into my head exploring regions all together unknown and unfashionable…and even unintelligible…

i am less than present…

“all neurosis is vanity but that too will be misunderstood.”

So said a famous person in the helping profession

To develop and acknowledge all aspects of yourself would be a worth while pursuit…and this could lead to more narcissism.  Over…http://in.integralinstitute.org/naked.aspxoctober 023

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